William T Spears's User Guide
by xXHanamizukiXx
Summary: You asked, so you shall receive! The William T. Spears unit is now out and has sold 2734638294 models already!  Gosh...our company really makes a lot of money off fangirls.


:D My 7th story on Fanfiction! 7 is my lucky number xD. Thanks to all of you for reviewing and taking the time to read my stories, especially The Color Clear, Sonata, and Kunochi-wolfDemon!

This guide was recommended by: Lady No Da 201 and Bibbiesparks.

Owner's Guide and Manual: William T. Spears

I still don't know why this unit sells so well. Sure, psychotic and angst-filled shotas are acceptable, as well as red-headed transvestites and silvernette morticians, but a guy that looks like an accountant?

Actually...I've learned not to question the tastes of fangirls. And fanboys. ESPECIALLY fanboys.

Your deadpan-faced accountant-wannabe shinigami comes with the following:

1) A pair of glasses (DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE THESE AWAY FROM HIM. If you've watched the second season you will know why; William has incredibly bad eyesight. Like, really really, REALLY bad eyesight.)

2) Nice black suit (3)

3) Black gloves (2)

4) Dress shoes (2)

5) Silver clipper-like death scythe

Sigh* We are not responsible for any physical or mental damage caused by any of your units...we also do not accept refunds...it's like buying underwear...we don't want them back because we have to deal with these units all day...

I'm beginning to think our company should hire fangirls. Heck, we don't even have to pay them.

To remove your William T. Spears unit:

1) Get a Grell unit and tell him William is inside wearing nothing but a tutu. Hilarity and destruction will ensue, simply because said unit is NOT in a tutu, will NEVER BE in a tutu, and cannot even THINK of being in a tutu. Your Grell unit will be slightly battered and disappointed. As for what remains of your house after this, I cannot say.

2) Make your Sebastian unit stand outside, and yell; "DEMONNNNNNN!" You may want to take cover behind a conveniently placed Grell Sutcliffe unit or your mother's antique sofa.

Oh boy. You guys must have heard of Will's infamous modes if you've read the SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS guide. Here goes:

1) Normal: In this mode, he will be constantly working and downloading Microsoft Excel on your computer, whacking your Grell constantly, and enjoying the occasional cup of Earl Grey tea. (FUN FACT: The manga author, Yana Toboso, has stated that William is Grell's "true love". You can find this fact on the Kuroshitsuji wiki in William's trivia section.)

2) Angel-Ass Kicking Time: Hell yeah, let's bring that bitch Angela down NOW! You may want to remove this unit from any churches nearby, they will collapse if you don't.

3) Crazy Pull-Off Your Tie and Let's Have Office Sex: AHAHAHAHA, this is the mode that was mentioned in Sebastian's guide. In this mode, William is totally OOC. Like, absolutely off the wall OOC. He will start glomping Grell, play ping-pong with your grandpa, run around in a tutu (ok, scratch out that previous statment about him NEVER being in a tutu) and probably will go streaking with a certain redhead and mortician. To avoid absolute chaos, this mode cannot be activated unless if you email us for the cheat code.

4) Girly: OMG my eyes burn..I swear to god our CEO is on ultra-superior crack. In this mode, William will terrify all units by shopping with you, putting "like" and "totally" into every sentence, and wearing pink. So much pink that even a roomful of New York Ballet dancers would be put to shame. Here is a sample of what he sounds like in Girly mode:

"OMG, so like, I _totally_ went out with Grelly-chan and we had _sooo _much fun, cause there were like, two _totally_ _hot_ guys that were like, _sooooo hot_ (giggle)."

My mind is eternally scarred. I should just crawl into one of Undertaker's coffins and never come out again. But that sounds like Vincent Valentine, so forget that idea.

5) Ghetto: "Yo man, wat up?"

Ok. I've officially died. I have become the first zombie to work as a representative of the Anime Unit company.

Jobs that your now very terrifying William can do:

1) Ballerina: Put him in Girly mode. Give him a tutu. Voila.

2) Barhopping partner: I dunno if you go to gay bars. But if you do, be sure to gag him, otherwise he'll start singing: "I've got something to put inside you."

3) Accountant: At some point in his life he must have been an accountant.

4) Shinigami: He goes around and collect souls. You don't have to worry about that, it's his job.

Food:

He can eat, and he actually needs to, but he can go for a very long time without eating anything. (I've heard he's partial to donuts...double chocolate)

Cleaning:

Do not attempt to clean this unit. Just don't.

Questions and Answers:

Q: OMFG HELP ME HE'S STUCK IN GIRLY MODE AND HE WANTS TO GO SHOPPING WITH ME WHILE DRESSED IN A PINK TUTU WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO IF MY FRIEND S SEE ME THEY'LL THINK I LIKE GUYS LIKE HIM OMFG HELP.

A: Pardon?

Q: He's staring at my oven.

A; That's nice to know.

Q: Are you REALLY dead?

A: (Pulls off head) Does that answer your question?

Q: What guides are you going to do later?

A: Claude, Meirin, Pluto, and my DARLING Drocell. Suggestions are welcome! :D


End file.
